There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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