i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
