You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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