If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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