just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
