I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
