I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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