I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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