i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
