i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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