woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
