I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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