so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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