Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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