if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
