You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
