we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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