I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize