well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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