I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
