his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
