Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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