Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
