Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're like the curious george of whores
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize