She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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