ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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