Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
