I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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