I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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