She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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