Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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