Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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