Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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