It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
