He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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