I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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