Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
