I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize