Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
