You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize