twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
