Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
