have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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