In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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