Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
