they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
