Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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