y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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