Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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