How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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