I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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