I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
