Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
