I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
