Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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