I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
