He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
