I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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