my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
