and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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