I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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