i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Randomize
