im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He kissed a someone with a penis
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
