dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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