Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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