They should really pass out barf bags in church
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
