A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
