is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
