Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
