Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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