Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You are the jesus of drinking
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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