I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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