Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
