I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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